as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
