cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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