I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
