just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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