I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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