I've blown a few things in my day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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