I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
