I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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