so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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