I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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