I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
