Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
