i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
