Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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