So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
