I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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