got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
smell my finger.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
