you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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