this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Quick, to the slutcave!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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