just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
