did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
