so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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