My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
