he thought i was a dude.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
