Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
