The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
