Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's JV to your varsity
That's intense
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
