Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
