So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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