the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
