I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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