turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
