I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
