At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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