therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
