It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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