My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
