I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
