Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
