Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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