So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
