Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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