I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
