i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
