happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
