I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
