Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He felt like a one man threesome
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
