hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
