official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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