you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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