Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
