Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I could make wine with my vomit
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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